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Submitted on
November 17, 2012
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724 bytes
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(Contains: sexual themes, violence/gore and strong language)

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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I think the thing I appreciate most about your poetry is your beautiful pacing. You pull us through the whole poem, as it flows easily thought to thought, then you simply drop us- adding more emphasis to the line "It was pleading for release."

I think it's a good thing you uploaded it, even if you were scared
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
A lot of people have said that. They say that I build stuff up and then just drop it straight away. I think it's not really a skill, but people seem to love it for some bizarre reason... I wish I knew why...

I was scared for two reasons:
> Obviously the content; that's a given.
> Coming off the back of the DD, I knew people were expecting something great. I was actually debating uploading something else besides this, but I'm glad I went with this piece now.
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think it's necessarily a skill to be able to drop things off, but I wouldn't have ended this poem any other way. It's perfect the way it just stops. The reason I said my favorite thing is your pacing is because you consistently end things well and pace them so they are natural, and the reader is left thinking.

I get that. Anytime I've had a piece that's remotely popular, I worry whatever else I upload will not match up to it. But, I'm glad you chose it, too. Stay true to yourself.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
There is actually an alternate ending stanza to this.
I know - insane, right?
It was much more gory and shocking; making a pseudo-statement against the theme of the poem in general [- orgies or whatever it was].
I cut it after the line "Cutting off the horses head. / Serving it silver." made its way in.
Christ, it WAS gory...
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well you can't just leave me hanging like that :XD: What was the alternate ending stanza?
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Sorry dudette - I'm keeping it for another day.

Actually speaking of:
"Oh, out of curiosity, if I was to release a PDF containing unreleased poems, would you purchase it? It would be a 'donate what you want' thing - with like a 1.00 / $2.00 minimum. Your thoughts? I'm trying to gauge a consensus here..."

I'm considering doing this; what do you think?
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
;-; I have no monies right now. my wallet cries softly at night.

but, yes, if I had adequate cash that would be something I'd love to do :la:
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
It's still only an idea...

I have the template saved and I'm compiling it now; I'm still not sure if I'll release it, though.
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(1 Reply)
:iconlothlorien-vampyre:
lothlorien-vampyre Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
I love your poetry. It doesn't matter if the lines are vague or explicit, or if the subject is erotic or not, you write with such passion. If I could convey just a fraction of that passion into my prose...
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Just be more honest. Write about your dreams. Your fetishes. Your lovers old and new. The kind of shit you want to try when you grow up - just don't make it too personal and you'll be set.
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:iconanimuscogito:
AnimusCogito Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This conversation made me laugh!
I'll admit, I am most definitely aroused by good poetry. It's too bad the guys in my life don't write poetry, else they would find themselves getting much more attention from me.... but anyway.

Jake, I am in full admiration of you. I write poetry (Im too embarrassed to upload It.. ) , but I always hold things back, afraid it is too bold or offensive. I am so in awe of your ability to be so raw. It is amazing.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
I can only imagine what my stuff must do to you... _"

Then stop being such a coward and just cave in. It feels good after the first few pieces. Like a candy-cane made out of pure lust. Stick the whole thing in your mouth and swallow it whole. Yum.
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:iconanimuscogito:
AnimusCogito Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah.... haha

I'm working on it. :)
I couldn't write for a few years, because I was afraid too much would come out. If I acknowledged my reality on paper, it would be real, and I couldn't handle that. Denial was my release, now writing is.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Get this lady a towel! XD

You really need to get the fuck out of that mindset. Is that paper going to judge you? Is it going to take away your air supply just because you've done something immoral or love somebody you shouldn't? No. Get the fuck over it and write about it. Hell, if I didn't, have the stuff in my Gallery wouldn't even exist otherwise.
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:iconanimuscogito:
AnimusCogito Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha, maybe not to THAT extent...;)

I'm not so much afraid of judgement as I am facing my own reality. For me to write my thoughts/feelings/experiences, I have to first acknowledge their existence. Living in denial is wholly unproductive. I don't advise it.

Having said that: I have moved past the denial and I have been writing. I'm just afraid to upload them, they definitely reflect how dIffIcult It Is to break through denial and suppression.

I'm glad that your poetry exists. Absolutely. That, I've said is why I admire you so.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
"maybe"?

The second you put it into the public eye, you'll feel much better. I promise.
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:iconanimuscogito:
AnimusCogito Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha yeah, maybe. Haven't read all of your work. Yet.

Possibly. However, I am fully aware that my poetry is not skillful. It's emotionally charged, but it lacks everything else.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
You haven't? I am disappointed. Start with the modern stuff - that's the best.

Then learn to refine it into something better. Cut out all the crap.

Oh, out of curiosity, if I was to release a PDF containing unreleased poems, would you purchase it? It would be a 'donate what you want' thing - with like a 1.00 / $2.00 minimum. Your thoughts? I'm trying to gauge a consensus here...
Reply
(2 Replies)
:iconxrippedjeansx:
XRippedJeansX Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
I was dragged in from the preview. I saw 'mane' and realised that I needed to read this. It was so hooking and bitter. At the same time it was almost as though you were taking the piss. Excuse my swears but you can fucking write.
Reply
:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Why did 'mane' capture you?

I think this one is - in truth - a bit of a piss-take of the erotic genre as a whole. Then again, most of my stuff is. I'm of the school where subtlety is better than just giving you the answer; but I've been easing up a little recently in pieces like 'Boy.' and 'Insulin.' - and people seem to like having a balance of understandable stuff and vague lines.

Don't hold back on the swearing; I fucking don't.
Plus, swearing can be sexy when used in the right context. The "fucking" in the poem is just perfect in so many ways.

Thanks for your comment.
Reply
:iconxrippedjeansx:
XRippedJeansX Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
No clue. Probably because its rarely used.

Oh, erotic poetry, how it turns me on. HAHAH. Pshh balance is overrated. As is pleasing people. But seriously amazing poetry is amazing.

I try to hold back otherwise every second word would be 'fucking'. Not attractive.

You are welcome.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Wanted to slip an animal analogy in... I think it works...

Balance is very important to me as a poet and a standard writer. Keeping your audience interested is a challenge.

You can laugh - but I would be lying if I said I haven't ever got a little aroused from a particularly strong poem. I think that the right chain of words can get anybody in the loop; if they want to feel good, that is.

Same! XD
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:iconxrippedjeansx:
XRippedJeansX Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
I'd say it works.

I avoid most erotic poetry only because the stuff I have stumbled upon is written by illiterate thirteen year olds who have no experience to base it off. Yeah...

Finally someone else who doesn't want to sound like a bogan because of their swearing habits.
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
Pfft. I have no experience either!
Unless you count my right hand... _"
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:iconxrippedjeansx:
XRippedJeansX Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
At least you don't sound embarassed or phrase things awkwardly. You actually sound like you know what you're doing...

hmmm. Right handed, eh? haha
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:iconjakesexception:
JakesException Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
Stick dick in hole.
Moan for a bit.
Pull out.
Rinse and repeat.
i'mnotseeinghowthisisahardconcepttounderstand
hellmyyearwasn'tevengivensexedclassesanditurnedoutfine
ohwaitnoididn't

Well, yes. But if it's busy working wonders elsewhere, then I'll switch to my left and let the right work its magic.
uuhuhuhuhuhuhhhuhuuhhuuhhuhhuuhhuhyeah
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(1 Reply)
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